Getting Rid of Resentment

In this era when overt insults, overt efforts to provoke a reaction, "owning the libs," personal attacks, and similar conduct have become a predominant feature of public discourse, and have crept ever more into interpersonal relationships, it is worthwhile to take note of specific, practical teachings for overcoming resentment.

Ideally, as a preliminary matter, the suggestion is to focus on what might reasonably be regarded as self care, that is, directing thoughts of lovingkindness toward oneself.  "May I keep myself free from enmity, affliction and anxiety and live happily."  As with so much in the teachings, we benefit most when we recognize that we can build on a certain foundation in the midst of chaos, a foundation built on moral and ethical conduct focused first on self accountability and personal responsibility.  Without such a foundation, the seeds of resentment will have fertile ground to sprout and spread.

And ideally, when we are confronted with a hostile person, a person who is vulgar, insulting, seems willfully disrespectful, seems to want to press our buttons, operating out of this base of self-care and self-love, we might recognize that this other person also ultimately wishes to be happy, just like us.  We might even try to direct this lovingkindness to that hostile person.  Yet resentment may remain.  Here are some other things we can do.

Don't Repay in Kind.  

He who repays an angry man in kind Is worse than the angry man; Who does not repay anger in kind, He alone wins the battle hard to win. He promotes the weal of both, His own, as well as of the other. Knowing that the other man is angry, He mindfully maintains his peace

"Akkosa Sutta: Insult" (SN 7.2), translated from the Pali by Acharya Buddharakkhita. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 10 November 2013, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn07/sn07.002.budd.html.

After all, the hostile person only achieves his or her goal when we take the bait and descend to the same level of hostility.  So best to refrain.

Remember Some Good Quality of the Person.

If resentment still arises, then the suggestion is to remember some good quality of this hostile person, specifically, despite the triggering behavior in this moment, is the person otherwise controlled in bodily behavior, or perhaps in verbal behavior (likely not given today's culture), or perhaps in mental behavior paying attention to moral or ethical teachings?  

But there are people who have no control over any of these three things, which is unfortunate and may prompt us to feel compassion, as we may understand that this person is only paving his or her own path to further suffering.

'Why Suffer Anger to Spring Up, and Do as He Would Have You Do?'

If resentment still arises, the suggestion is to recognize one's own role and responsibility in whatever this reaction is that we might act out in response to resentment.  As it is written:

If you get angry, then maybe You make him suffer, maybe not; Though with the hurt that anger brings You certainly are punished now.

Recognize that What We Do Now Will Have Consequences.

If resentment still arises, the suggestion is to remember that every act we carry out in the present is like planting the seeds for some future fruit or weed to sprout.  Our volitional actions have consequences.

"'I am the owner of my actions,[1] heir to my actions, born of my actions, related through my actions, and have my actions as my arbitrator. Whatever I do, for good or for evil, to that will I fall heir.' ..."

"Upajjhatthana Sutta: Subjects for Contemplation" (AN 5.57), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an05/an05.057.than.html.

Seek Inspiration from the Bodhisatta's Selflessness.

If resentment still arises, the suggestion is recall all of the restraint and thoughts of lovingkindness across many eons that ultimately are part of the path to become a Buddha, and be inspired.  The Jataka Tales are full of remarkable examples of the previous lifetimes of the aspiring Bodhisatta, where hatred, violence, and enmity were all met with lovingkindness and a steadfast refusal to break a precept vow.

Now it is in the highest degree improper and unbecoming to you to arouse thoughts of resentment, since you are emulating as your Master the Blessed One who reached omniscience and who has in the special quality of patience no equal in the world of deities."

Remember Mother, Father, Sister, Brother.

If resentment still arises, the suggestion is to recall that in all the countless rounds of existence, this hostile person has, at one time, been one's own mother, or father, or sister, or brother.

"From an inconstruable beginning comes transmigration. A beginning point is not evident, though beings hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving are transmigrating & wandering on. A being who has not been your mother at one time in the past is not easy to find... A being who has not been your father... your brother... your sister... your son... your daughter at one time in the past is not easy to find.

"Mata Sutta: Mother" (SN 15.14-19), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn15/sn15.014.than.html.

Strive for the Eleven Blessings.

If resentment still arises, the suggestion is to recall the advantages of lovingkindness, including the eleven blessings that can be expected.

1. "He sleeps in comfort. 2. He awakes in comfort. 3. He sees no evil dreams. 4. He is dear to human beings. 5. He is dear to non-human beings. 6. Devas (gods) protect him. 7. Fire, poison, and sword cannot touch him. 8. His mind can concentrate quickly. 9. His countenance is serene. 10. He dies without being confused in mind. 11. If he fails to attain arahantship (the highest sanctity) here and now, he will be reborn in the brahma-world.

"These eleven advantages, monks, are to be expected from the release of heart by familiarizing oneself with thoughts of loving-kindness, by cultivation of loving-kindness, by constantly increasing these thoughts, by regarding loving-kindness as a vehicle (of expression), and also as something to be treasured, by living in conformity with these thoughts, by putting these ideas into practice and by establishing them."

"Metta (Mettanisamsa) Sutta: Discourse on Advantages of Loving-kindness" (AN 11.16), translated from the Pali by Piyadassi Thera. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 13 June 2010, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an11/an11.016.piya.html.

Analyze the Elements.

If resentment still arises, the suggesting is to try to identify which specific element of this hostile person is the subject of one's resentment.

Is it the head?  Or the body hairs?  Or nails?

Is it the earth element in the head hairs?  Or the water element?  The fire element?

Is the subject of resentment to be found somewhere among the five aggregates, or the twelve bases, or the eighteen elements?  And so on.

For when he tries the resolution into elements, his anger finds no foothold, like a mustard seed on the point of an awl or a painting on the air.

Give a Gift.

If resentment still arises, the next suggestion is so simple: give the hostile person a gift.

It can either be given by himself to the other or accepted by himself from the other.  But if the other's livelihood is not purified and his requisites are not proper to be used, it should be given by oneself.  And I the one who does this the annoyance with that person entirely subsides.

Then Return to Lovingkindness.

All of these are different tools we might use to halt the arising of resentment against the hostile person, so that we may again return to lovingkindness, as for ourselves, also for this hostile person, which is not always easy to do.  In other words:

"There are these five ways of subduing hatred by which, when hatred arises in a monk, he should wipe it out completely. Which five?

"When one gives birth to hatred for an individual, one should develop good will for that individual. Thus the hatred for that individual should be subdued.

"When one gives birth to hatred for an individual, one should develop compassion for that individual. Thus the hatred for that individual should be subdued.

"When one gives birth to hatred for an individual, one should develop equanimity toward that individual. Thus the hatred for that individual should be subdued.

"When one gives birth to hatred for an individual, one should pay him no mind & pay him no attention. Thus the hatred for that individual should be subdued.

"When one gives birth to hatred for an individual, one should direct one's thoughts to the fact of his being the product of his actions: 'This venerable one is the doer of his actions, heir to his actions, born of his actions, related by his actions, and has his actions as his arbitrator. Whatever action he does, for good or for evil, to that will he fall heir.' Thus the hatred for that individual should be subdued.

"These are five ways of subduing hatred by which, when hatred arises in a monk, he should wipe it out completely."

"Aghatavinaya Sutta: Subduing Hatred (1)" (AN 5.161), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 8 June 2010, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an05/an05.161.than.html.

(Adapted from The Path of Purification (Visuddhimagga) https://www.accesstoinsight.org/ati/lib/authors/nanamoli/PathofPurification2011.pdf.) 

DhammaWheel.com - A Case Study in Culture Wars and Divisive Speech

Days before the midterm election in the United States, culture wars have inflamed and divided the electorate.  Similarly, a deep divide is reflected in different ways throughout the world.  Just as all phenomena have their roots and causes, so does this pervasive divisiveness.  It is deeply rooted in unskillful speech.  The world witnesses this each day in the words and tweets of the United States President, who uses racially charged and violence-inducing comments for political gain.  Such speech divides, spreads fear, fuels anger, inflames.  Such speech also reflects broader cultural sentiments.  A prominent Buddhist discussion forum contributes to this divisiveness.  It is DhammaWheel.com, a board run primarily by its owner David N. Snyder, who appears to share Libertarian views, and Paul Davy, a right wing disc jockey who created DhammaWheel.com together with Mr. Snyder nearly a decade ago.

Over the years, these two have presided over a forum which facilitates discussion of Theravada Buddhism, but not without bickering, scapegoating, racially charged commentary, a backdrop of right wing politics, disparagement of other religions, and other forms of unskillful speech that are opposed to Dhamma.  In the age of Donald Trump with all of its incivility, false speech, fear mongering, and attacks on migrants, women, racial and ethnic minorities, journalists, political opponents, judges, independent investigators, Democrats and others, it is time to return to the foundational practice of Right Speech.  This is a call for those who love Dhamma to be mindful of those in our midst who participate in and facilitate politically popular false speech, politically popular harmful speech.  Some examples:

Anti-Semitism

There should be no disagreement that conspiracy theories that paint George Soros as a mastermind behind an alleged global plot are thinly disguised anti-Semitism.  The recent attempt on Mr. Soros' life, and the recent mass-slaying of 11 at a Jewish synagogue in the United States, illustrate just how dangerous such rhetoric can be.  Yet Mr. Davy uses DhammaWheel.com to support and spread George Soros conspiracy theories, and Mr. Snyder lets him.

Anti-Muslim and Anti-Rohingya

There should be no disagreement that the ethnic cleansing of the Rohingya population in northern Rakhine State in Myanmar, at the hands of the Buddhist majority, has been a crime against humanity.  Yet DhammaWheel.com facilitates anti-Rohingya sentiments.  More broadly, DhammaWheel.com repeatedly has attacked Islam and Islam-derived Bahai.  The DhammaWheel.com attacks on Bahai are hard to explain.  But they have received attention.

Anti-Civility

Donald Trump has been a contentious topic on DhammaWheel.com since his 2016 election.  Purported "threats to free speech" also have been a contentious topic.  All of this has resulted in wholehearted support on DhammaWheel.com for the idea that individuals are not accountable for their own spoken or written words, but rather that individuals are only accountable for their reactions to the hurtful words of others.  As a further result, name-calling, online bullying, and other forms of abusive conduct on DhammaWheel.com are encouraged by the example of the forum's administration.

Falsehoods and Disdain for Credible News Sources

Some forum members have tried to call out falsehoods, only to be shouted down.  DhammaWheel.com administration has, like Trump, sought to cast doubt on credible news sources, has attacked the so-called MSM, and has sought out opportunities to support Trump's version of reality.  What has any of this conduct on a Buddhism discussion forum to do with Dhamma, or truth?

✳  ✳  ✳

People who identify as "Buddhist" would be well-served to own their role in perpetuating the politics of fear and division, and the culture wars which now roil.  There should be no place for anti-Semitism, anti-Muslim views, bullying, spreading falsehoods, or other such harmful conduct -- especially on a discussion board that presents itself to the world as a place for Dhamma discussion.

"Whenever you want to do a verbal action, you should reflect on it: 'This verbal action I want to do — would it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Would it be an unskillful verbal action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it would lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it would be an unskillful verbal action with painful consequences, painful results, then any verbal action of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do. But if on reflection you know that it would not cause affliction... it would be a skillful verbal action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results, then any verbal action of that sort is fit for you to do.

"While you are doing a verbal action, you should reflect on it: 'This verbal action I am doing — is it leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful verbal action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it is leading to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both... you should give it up. But if on reflection you know that it is not... you may continue with it.

"Having done a verbal action, you should reflect on it: 'This verbal action I have done — did it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Was it an unskillful verbal action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it led to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it was an unskillful verbal action with painful consequences, painful results, then you should confess it, reveal it, lay it open to the Teacher or to a knowledgeable companion in the holy life. Having confessed it... you should exercise restraint in the future. But if on reflection you know that it did not lead to affliction... it was a skillful verbal action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results, then you should stay mentally refreshed and joyful, training day and night in skillful mental qualities."

"Ambalatthika-rahulovada Sutta: Instructions to Rahula at Mango Stone" (MN 61), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013, 
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.061.than.html

There are these ten topics of [proper] conversation. Which ten? Talk on modesty, on contentment, on seclusion, on non-entanglement, on arousing persistence, on virtue, on concentration, on discernment, on release, and on the knowledge & vision of release. These are the ten topics of conversation. If you were to engage repeatedly in these ten topics of conversation, you would outshine even the sun & moon, so mighty, so powerful — to say nothing of the wanderers of other sects.

"Kathavatthu Sutta: Topics of Conversation (1)" (AN 10.69),

translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

 Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013,

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an10/an10.069.than.html

And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, abstaining from divisive speech, abstaining from abusive speech, abstaining from idle chatter: This, monks, is called right speech.

"Magga-vibhanga Sutta: An Analysis of the Path" (SN 45.8),
 translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013,
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn45/sn45.008.than.html

He speaks the truth, holds to the truth, is firm, reliable, no deceiver of the world. ... Thus reconciling those who have broken apart or cementing those who are united, he loves concord, delights in concord, enjoys concord, speaks things that create concord.

"Apannaka Sutta: A Safe Bet" (MN 60), 

translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. 

Access to Insight (BCBS Edition), 30 November 2013, 

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.060.than.html

With gratitude to S.N. Goenka

Several days have passed since the death of S.N. Goenka, who helped to make Dhamma accessible to many. I would like to express my gratitude.

Here are some links:
The Man Who Taught the World to Meditate
A Student's Appreciation
Changing lives
Biography
Q&A
Be happy

Are you missing the point of Buddhism?

The point of Buddhism is friendship.

That might sound trite, and it might conflict with the emphasis we think we have been taught. Isn't the point liberation, to be liberated from the bonds of greed, hate and delusion? Or, depending on one's perspective, to liberate all beings? Yes, you might say that. But in practice and in truth, it boils down to a deep, all-pervading friendliness.

The idea is portrayed in the movie Dersu Uzala, where a Mongolian guide on a Siberian expedition repeatedly and confusingly talks about the many "men" who come and go in the forest. Eventually it becomes clear he often means animals. He does what he can to take care of these "men," even if he never sees them directly. What wanders up, what presents itself, even what presents itself subtly, Dersu Uzala treats with friendship. He takes care.

Many people, even those well-versed in Buddhism, appear to miss that point. One look at how Buddhism is discussed on the Internet reveals a continuing drama of hardened ideology, confrontation, personalized comments, recriminations. Some of the "Buddhism" perpetrated on these sites is embarrassingly far, far from the Buddhadhamma. Some moderators unfortunately contribute to this spreading and pernicious misapplication of the teachings. "He is no friend who, anticipating conflict, is always alert in looking out for weaknesses." But it truly is this simple: If it is not friendly-minded, it is not Dhamma.

The Buddha taught: "Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life." ("Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life)" (SN 45.2), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight, 1 July 2010, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn45/sn45.002.than.html . Retrieved on 3 January 2012.)

The message in that sutta is much deeper than merely to associate with others who are admirable. When we stop for a moment and consider the anatta, impersonal nature of reality, we can appreciate that Dersu Uzala had it right: Men -- people -- are all around us, and how we treat them is a reflection of the kamma we are working with, a reflection like in a mirror. Our thoughts are our companions. Our feelings are our companions. Our sensations are our companions. And so on. They are the "people" who populate this field of experience, and we make of it what we do.

We can ask ourselves whether these companions themselves are admirable. If we do so, however, we have to be careful, because it can be easy to answer, no, and to fall back on the habit pattern of aversion. Alternatively, we can ask ourselves whether that friendship is admirable, whether that companionship is admirable. If we do so, then it is about the relationship. And then we have a greater opportunity to grow. What relationship do you have with these thoughts, feelings, sensations, mental constructions, and all of the companions who happen to wander up? Is it admirable? Can you meet them with equanimity, allow them to be, and not attack or reject?

Equanimity is not a state of apathy, of not caring. Equanimity is engaged, aware, open, ready. One might assume that equanimity is neither friendly nor unfriendly, but that is not the case. Equanimity is friendly-minded, at its core. And so must be awareness.

Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie involves meeting whatever arises with awareness and equanimity, understanding its not-self nature, understanding its changing nature, and then maybe we will smile. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life.

Recognizing what is Dhamma and what is not

It's easy to get caught up in the Buddhism discussions that proliferate across the Internet. So many different kinds of Buddhism. So many different opinions. So many opportunities to compare oneself with others, to disagree, to speak out, to set things straight. Who's right? Who's even listening? Does anyone actually hear the words of Dhamma amid the din? Are the words even there?

The Buddha gave a wonderful teaching on how to recognize the Dhamma, found here at Access to Insight. Worth noting: the Dhamma is to be recognized by its qualities.

The Buddha tells Mahapajapati Gotami (who, incidentally, was his foster mother and also the first Buddhist nun) what is not the Dhamma:

'These qualities lead to passion, not to dispassion;
to being fettered, not to being unfettered;
to accumulating, not to shedding;
to self-aggrandizement, not to modesty;
to discontent, not to contentment;
to entanglement, not to seclusion;
to laziness, not to aroused persistence;
to being burdensome, not to being unburdensome'

And what the Dhamma is:

'These qualities lead to dispassion, not to passion;
to being unfettered, not to being fettered;
to shedding, not to accumulating;
to modesty, not to self-aggrandizement;
to contentment, not to discontent;
to seclusion, not to entanglement;
to aroused persistence, not to laziness;
to being unburdensome, not to being burdensome':

One wonderful thing about this teaching is that it tells us these are qualities that we may know. Also: These are qualities one discovers for oneself, with regard to one's own experience. That means the Dhamma is not a yardstick by which to measure others. Nor is it a weapon to be used in debates.

This creates a context for what it means to go for refuge in the Dhamma. It is a personal experience, dependent on causes and conditions, reflecting qualities that one discerns through direct knowledge.

When I start to get caught up in the discussion, when I feel misunderstood, or when I feel slighted, or when I feel smug, for example, then I can know: This is not the Dhamma, this is not the Teacher's instruction.

And in recognizing that, I can loosen my grip, understand what is going on, recognize the habit patterns at play. And smile. And then I can know: This is the Dhamma, this is the Teacher's instruction.